Thank God for Shelled Nuts
I’m not sure if you’re all aware but we used to have to crack our own nuts.
I remember this very vividly. I would be at my grandparents house for a holiday and there they would be - a big glass etched bowl of mixed nuts IN THE SHELL.
Walnuts, almonds and hazelnuts in their mixed tan hues of impenetrable sustenance.
Some mixes had the rogue Brazil nut, a coffee brown, triangle mini football shaped fortress that was just coaxing you/mocking you into trying to crack into it. We were a northern family so we never saw many pecans.
This was the “fancy mix” because company was over and you dare not serve peanuts, shelled or unshelled, in the living room. Those are for somehow reserved for a baseball game, the circus or the fair.
Upon reflection, this mix never included the shelled pistachio. If they were available, they were served in their own segregated bowl, green flesh peaking out teasing with “O I’m delicious and easy to open…come on over and let’s hang out.” I would always break my fingernails trying to pry the shockingly strong nutty bivalve open. (As a kid, I usually had a success rate of 40% open for pistachios, the rest were so strong or not pre-cracked enough that I couldn’t do it…back into the bowl they went for my grandpa)
After I got the “I haven’t seen you in months” tender hugs from my grandparents,
I slyly excused myself into the living room and sat on the flowered love-seat and assessed the snacks and my tools. Next to the bowl of nuts were two things. A miniature version of the same designed bowl for shells and a nut cracker. Each set of grandparents had a different style of cracker. One had the metal hinged option and one had the decorative wooden man staring off into the Christmas tree ready for action. His mouth was patiently waiting to be opened and stuffed with a nut. Ours was of a brewer complete with green German lederhosen and mini beer keg and fake foam.
Both work for the function of cracking nuts but each have their challenges. The metal hinged cracker has very little texture, surface area and overall strength. The nut has a tendency to shoot away rolling under the couch if not placed in the right location. The wooden fella only has a mouth so big. Some nuts don’t fit in there and can get messy once the nut is cracked.
I would always go for an almond first.
They are the easiest to crack. Relatively soft nut, good texture for gripping and sharp sides for quick cracking. Also, the nutmeat was usually left intact once opened for easy extraction. I also chose the almond first so I could be munching on some nuts while I delved into the other varieties. Up next, the walnut. This was always a tough one. While it does have some texture, the round shape made for tough placement in the cracker. And often it took three or four attempts of it either falling out on my lap or once two hands were applied, it shooting across the room.
And once I did finally get that satisfying crack, what was before me were two lobes of a brain that I could never dig out in one piece, even with my little fingers. The flavor was good, but often was accompanied with some shell shards which were never good. I hope my grandma never found all of my discarded shell pieces swept in between the couch cushions…
You’d think the smallest and cutest of the bowl would be the easiest to crack but not so. The hazelnut is also round like a walnut, but very slick and often not big enough to fit into the cracker. Causing countless attempts at positioning to actually break into it. I never spent much time with the hazelnut.
At the bottom of the bowl, were 4 rogue Brazil nuts. I always tried with all my might to break into a Brazil nut but I don’t think I ever succeeded. Eventually asking the closest uncle, dad or grandpa to help with my task; and even THEY had trouble.
All this work for usually about 8 nuts. All the messy shells for just a few nibbles.
We should all thank god we have shelled nuts. Life is a lot better and easier with them in our lives. Just rip open the bag, pour out a handful of perfectly shelled nuts (and even countless flavored nuts!) and start snackin’.
Seriously, it’s a wonderful time to be alive.
Cheers,